Holiday Depression

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Published/Last Modified on Monday, November 16, 2009 8:33 AM CST

I have always looked forward to the joyful  holidays . Christmas is my favorite , but for the pass year or so Christmas is hard to swallow . My mother passed away on Christmas day which be be two years this Christmas . Usually , I would began getting into Christmas spirit around Thanksgiving , decorating and just filling our home with decorations and making preparations . I tried last year but was unsuccessful . Now Thanksgiving is near and I'm still in this mode . When I'm shooping I see all the beautiful decorations and my  first attempt is to  purchase , so I put them in my basket and as I'm walking around the store looking at other items I go back return the Christmas items  . How can an individual get out slumber mode during the holidays ? Serious respondants might be helpful .

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Comments

    P. Romero wrote on Dec 3, 2009 8:12 AM:

    " To Christian, while some of your comments are true, I think you lack compassion. Each person handles death differently, and some are closer to their loved ones than others. I lost my grandmother this year, and it will not be the same without her. Yes, I am glad she is with the Lord, but I will miss her as will our huge family. We planted a rose in her honor, but it does not make us miss her any less. To: Holiday Depression God be with you and I know your mother lives on in your heart. Take care. "

    S.H wrote on Dec 1, 2009 4:00 AM:

    " My heart goes out to all of you who have lost some one so dear. At is time of the year it has to be hard. I dont think planting a tree will help. A tree is not like a human being.My heart goes out to all of you .My blessing are with you and your familysat this time. "

    Christian wrote on Nov 30, 2009 12:42 PM:

    " Your loved ones are not here, they are with God the father. That should be of comfort to you. Now, you have a choice to either grieve forever (which they would not want you to do) or go on with life. Plant a tree in their honor. "

    J m wrote on Nov 30, 2009 1:24 AM:

    " I know what it is like to lose a loved one > I lost two of my childern in the last three years. For the holidays it is not the same and i have to hold back the tears in the front of the family.It is hard to deal with to sit and watch other and all i can think about is when my childern were alive.Childern are a true blessing "

    Melissa Long wrote on Nov 29, 2009 11:00 PM:

    " Sorry for your loss, I know first hand the feeling. Dad's favorite was Thanksgiving. Personal experience: drugs are not the answer, why is never answered, deep depression is best communicated with honesty. Memories honored have proven to be the best medicine, no matter how hurtful. Put something out simple in loving memory, pass by it often, touch it and recall a happy thought. It doesn't get any easier either. Face things head on, and by all means get enough sleep. "

    Feel The Same Way wrote on Nov 26, 2009 6:32 PM:

    " Holiday Depression!
    It's 5 years that I lost my parents. they pass away 18 days apart, the holidays are not the same without them... tears are coming while I am writing this... I just wish and pray that I could have my parents back!!! My prays are with you!! "

    Mother of Three wrote on Nov 25, 2009 2:52 PM:

    " I'm sorry for the loss of your mom. We lost my grandfather 6 years ago, a sister 4 years ago and my brother 2 years ago and it has been hard. Christmas isn't the same.
    With the economy Christmas isn't what it used to be for any of us and I have a large family. We decided not to buy gifts for everyone just our kids and we are getting together to celebrate what Christmas is really about. We've learned to deal with death and losses and focus on what we have left and make the best of it. "

    PointGirl wrote on Nov 24, 2009 3:56 PM:

    " Try these. If your family is like my family, we would all get together and celebrate Christmas at my parent's homes. They both passed away a few years ago. Since, I have gone to family members homes for Christmas. It was nice but not the same. So this year I'm going to attempt getting everyone together at my house. Or you can volunteer. I used to work for a company that joined forces with the local PD to give gifts to needy kids. I volunteered and it was awesome seeing the looks on their faces! "

    MrsTullier09 wrote on Nov 24, 2009 7:26 AM:

    " TO: Holiday Depression

    I know exactly what you are going through. My family lost my father the day after Christmas almost 2 years ago. It has been the hardest thing not having him around especially for the holidays. Just remember that she is definitely with you and your family on Christmas Day and will be celebrating it with you! "

    Merry Christmas wrote on Nov 22, 2009 6:25 PM:

    " My heart goes out to the person who made the initial post. I find that the secret to happiness in life is serving God through serving others. Merry Christmas! "

    Carol wrote on Nov 21, 2009 8:14 AM:

    " I am sorry about your mother's passing.
    The best way to honor her memory, is to celebrate the life she did have.
    Try taking small steps. When she was around, if you had alot of decorations, try putting just a few.
    If you have children, invite them over for a dinner, surround yourself with your family.
    If you were into baking, try baking for your family and sending some goodies to a nursing home or something similiar.
    Holidays can cause depression wether or not you have a loss. "

    Sandra wrote on Nov 20, 2009 8:47 PM:

    " My heart is so full after reading everyone's genuine concern for another. Each one had something from the heart to say and I hope helped each other at the same time. My mother is 87 and has Alzheimers. She can't remember my name but her smile is the same as it always was when I walked into the room. I miss her already. "

    Goodworks wrote on Nov 20, 2009 4:27 PM:

    " Everyone has stated that this person needs to get together with family and freinds; to go around her feelings. Do you know if this person has any family living or close friends with room at their table. I know what it like to have none. Everday is hard without family around much less having a holiday. Friends, it's just not the same watching them share joy with their loved ones while missing mine. However, by the grace of God I won't be alone. Not totally. I will pray for the joy of others. "

    Group of Unwanted Parents wrote on Nov 18, 2009 3:27 PM:

    " To: Info Please

    We are working on getting organized. email: forparents09@yahoo.com "

    Vincent P. Barras wrote on Nov 18, 2009 3:26 PM:

    " SAP had a great suggestion. I have a friend who lost both of her parents within one year, so for Christmas, she, her husband, and one of her sons and family went skiing in Colorado for Christmas. They exchanged small presents at the lodge, but it allowed her to celebrate Christmas without being in the same familiar environment now haunted by memories. Try something different. My prayers go with you. "

    Poulette wrote on Nov 18, 2009 1:18 PM:

    " To: Group of unwanted parents:
    Please let me know if you have a web site or something where others may join?
    I wlll await a reply in this forum. Ty "

    SAP wrote on Nov 18, 2009 10:29 AM:

    " Perhaps you could start a new Christmas tradition. My mother and her sister (one a new widow and the other a longer time widow) decided one year to spend Christmas away from their familes and went to a nice hotel for a couple of days and had a wonderful Christmas without family. Many hotels have Christmas package deals. Their hotel had great Christmas activities for children and adults, and a nice Christmas dinner without the fuss. It sure brightened their Chirstmas doldrums and they were able to enjoy Christmas on their own terms. "

    Poulette wrote on Nov 18, 2009 12:19 AM:

    " To Holiday depression:
    I am sorry for your loss. Perhaps it would help you if you sought a support group or invite someone that is elderly with no place to go. I still have my Mom of 93 years but I know I will feel just like you when she goes. I have lost a child so now I just invite as many as my home will hold and the fills the void. I have friends that are neglected by their children so to my home they come. Praying for you ! "

    in the same boat wrote on Nov 17, 2009 9:18 PM:

    " I lost my father two years ago. Last Christmas was awful. I found no pleasure at all. I changed some ways of doing things in order to NOT miss his presence. I did not set up a large tree. This year, I'm not sure. I still have young children and I feel like I'm cheating them out of their childhood Christmases, but I feel like I'm not ready to celebrate without my dad. I was nowhere prepared for this at all. I feel like my life stopped when he died, and now I can't get into the spirit again. "

    mama knows wrote on Nov 17, 2009 4:42 PM:

    " I know how you are feeling, I lost my mother the day after Thanksgiving of 07, I also have a hole in my heart,& it's worse when the Holidays' roll around. Crying helps' to ease the heart, remembering helps' to keep her alive, then I think... she woulndn't want me doing this! Make the Holidays' for the children, it's about them & the lord! I pull a picture out for everyone to see her with us for the holiday. I know shes' watching us & yes, I beleive her spirit is with us. I can keep her with me. "

    Info please wrote on Nov 17, 2009 1:20 PM:

    " TO: Group of unwanted parents
    Are you organized?
    If yes, contact # or website? "

    2l wrote on Nov 17, 2009 10:00 AM:

    " I know the pain you are feeling. i lost my mother the day after christmas 35 years ago and every holiday season is tuff.Please enjoy your family,practice your faith, make a holiday donation to a worthy charity . with the grace of god things will get better. god bless you and your family. "

    To Group of Unwanted Parents wrote on Nov 17, 2009 9:45 AM:

    " Start your own thread and I'm sure you would get alot of responses. "

    Group of Unwanted Parents wrote on Nov 16, 2009 8:52 PM:

    " We want to give you our sympathy for your loss and pray that God will heal you. We are a group of parents that have kids who want no contact with us. We are saddened and know holiday depression in a different way. It sounds like you cared very much about your mother. We are a group of unwanted parents that support each other and spend the hoidays together. We are sorry you are hurting but at the same time you made our day to know how much you must have loved your mother. "

    Brent wrote on Nov 16, 2009 3:17 PM:

    " Sorry for the loas of your Mother. I've lost mine several years ago. I haven't been in the holiday mood for several years. Christmas is SO commercialized that it loses the meaning of Christmas. NOBODY talks about the birth of Christ except in church. All Christmas seems to mean is buy this, buy that; most of profits for retail stores is during the Christmas season. Am a bah humbug type of person, probably so, but the commericalization of Christmas just puts me into that "bah humbug" mood. "

    kmd wrote on Nov 16, 2009 2:25 PM:

    " Time will heal. Keep your family and friends close to you at this time and this love and support will get you through. God bless you. "

    Ann wrote on Nov 16, 2009 12:43 PM:

    " Try talking to your priest/pastor to help you through the holidays. Maybe spend more time with pleasant friends or family members. Don't dwell on it--keep yourself busy.

    A spirit-of-giving might help you embrace the holidays. Maybe donate some time at the St. Francis Diner soup-kitchen. Possibly help others in need by donating to local food pantries. Or send presents to children at the Safety-Net-for-Abused-Persons through KANE-1240AM radio station. You might anonomously enclose a note or card with your gift, just to let them know someone cares.

    Wishing you Happier holidays, Ann "

    Vincent P. Barras wrote on Nov 16, 2009 12:43 PM:

    " On a more practical note, surround yourself with your friends. They know what you are going through and will be there for you. I cannot tell you how much they helped me in my struggle. They're still helping. "

    BARBARA wrote on Nov 16, 2009 12:42 PM:

    " I also went through this when my mother died. Time heals. It took me 2 yrs. for my
    heart to begin to heal. If you have children
    or other family members, put your time into doing for them. The main thing,
    keep your mind busy. "

    Vincent P. Barras wrote on Nov 16, 2009 12:40 PM:

    " No amount of words will help, I fear. I lost my mother in July 2007, and that first Christmas was devastating. That hole in your spirit will stay with you the rest of your life. You can't exactly fill it, but I've learned that with time you can live with that void--very, very slowly. We had no tree in 07 and a small one in 08. Slowly, the pain of losing her will be replaced with good memories. Ask yourself these questions: would she want you to celebrate Christmas? Is this how she would want you to live your life? "

    Kat wrote on Nov 16, 2009 12:04 PM:

    " I don't have the answer for your holiday slumber, but I am very sorry for the loss of your mother. It is never easy to lose a loved one, but when it happens on such a significant day as Christmas, it makes it even harder as this day of joy and celebration comes around each year. I wish you all the best as the holidays approach. "

    Just an idea... wrote on Nov 16, 2009 11:23 AM:

    " I really don't know how to say I could help but maybe offer some ideas. Although I know every year will be very hard for you and others I would maybe suggest you spending some time being with others who maybe go through the same thing every year like some at the nursing home. Maybe you can ask who will be spending time alone with no family who visits them. It would be quite rewarding for you and the person whom is lonely as well and you can develop a relationship as well. Saying a prayer for you. "

    Believer wrote on Nov 16, 2009 10:31 AM:

    " Holiday depression is very common, it's not just you. Sorry about your mom. The grayness & minimal sunlight at this time of year causes a natural negative reaction psychologically. It's OK to grieve but your mother is enjoying heaven with God. Decorating with bright colors might actually cheer you up. Get some fresh flowers too. Fresh flowers have a way of cheering people up. Don't go through more pain if you don't have to. Get an ornament in her honor. "

    RG_New Iberia wrote on Nov 16, 2009 10:15 AM:

    " To Holiday Depression: If your depressed because your mother passed away, just think what would she want you to do? I can't imagine what your going through but I can say this, this is the time of the year where you should bring out the joy & holiday spirit and remember your mother around this time of all the good times you had with her and be blessed for what you still have here today. I'm sure that is what your mother would want. I hope it helps and I hope you can enjoy your holidays. "

    Laf. wrote on Nov 16, 2009 9:30 AM:

    " I don't know what to tell you, but I'm sure you're Mother would want for you to celebrate the holidays. Enjoy spending time with your family and try to make the holidays special for them. Best of luck to you and I wish you a Happy Thanksgiving and Merry Christmas. "

    avid reader wrote on Nov 16, 2009 9:29 AM:

    " I am the same way, I hate the holidays because they depress me. I usually just dive into gift giving. That usually lifts my spirits. I do an elaborate Christmas card list, and then I put lots of thought into gifts for family and friends. Then I watch ALL the Christmas cartoons with my kids. that usually cheers me up and gives me a youthful outlook. And don't forget prayer! It works. Have a blessed holiday season. "

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