Holiday Depression

I have always looked forward to the joyful  holidays . Christmas is my favorite , but for the pass year or so Christmas is hard to swallow . My mother passed away on Christmas day which be be two years this Christmas . Usually , I would began getting into Christmas spirit around Thanksgiving , decorating and just filling our home with decorations and making preparations . I tried last year but was unsuccessful . Now Thanksgiving is near and I'm still in this mode . When I'm shooping I see all the beautiful decorations and my  first attempt is to  purchase , so I put them in my basket and as I'm walking around the store looking at other items I go back return the Christmas items  . How can an individual get out slumber mode during the holidays ? Serious respondants might be helpful .