Wondering Why

Published/Last Modified on Tuesday, November 10, 2009 5:15 AM CST

Wonderer

Back in 2002 my dear mother died. She had been in a nursing home for several years, so she had not been able to attend her home church (Perpetual Help). The funeral home called the church to arrange her funeral, and the church would not do the funeral because she was not listed as a member. My mother, when she was able, attended mass faithfully and contributed her time, effort, and money (which she could ill afford) for over 65 years. We ended up having a deacon do the service in the funeral home chapel. We couldn't even have a mass

Fast-forward to 2009. Ted Kennedy, who worked tirelessly to undermine the values upon which the Catholic church supposedly stands, is honored with a mass at a church he did not attend, celebrated by several bishops and priests. I have waited until now to write about this because I needed time to calm down.

I have spoken to several priests about this. Not one of them will address this question with me. They all told me that I am not placing "the church" in the proper light, whatever the heck that is supposed to mean. They tell me that I should look at "the bigger picture" and not be so "narrow" in my view of the situation.

I have also discovered that I this situation is not unusual in this area. I have talked with several other families whose loved ones were not allowed a proper mass because of all sorts of reasons, mainly having to do with inconvenience to the priests. I spoke to some funeral directors I know at several local funeral homes, and they all told me the same thing: that Catholic priests in this area are very uncooperative when it comes to serving grieving families.

I have left several messages with the bishop's office, but I have not received a reply. My own parish priest is mad at me for even bringing this issue to his attention, and several of my fellow church members are giving me the cold shoulder. Others are getting on my case for "daring" to question the church or to criticize priests.

I hate to leave the church that I have loved and served for my whole life. I feel that the church has abandoned me. Does anyone have any thoughts on this issue?

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Comments

Wondering wrote on Nov 17, 2009 9:41 AM:

" I am not anti-catholic and I don't hate catholics and I don't hate the church. I am against priest not doing their jobs. Period. Geez! Why are you all getting so defensive about the obvious failure of some priests to do their jobs? Many priests do good jobs. They do not need defending. Don't defend people who don't deserve defending. Instead you should demand that they do their jobs. "

Wondering wrote on Nov 16, 2009 7:18 AM:

" Reality noted the succession of the church from Peter to today. Well, our country's founding fathers started a good thing, too. Look how poorly it is turning out. "

Know wrote on Nov 15, 2009 12:42 PM:

" All the catholics I know think they are so self righteous. Pleeezzzz!!! "

Catholic haters have... wrote on Nov 14, 2009 11:44 PM:

" ...have such big chips on their shoulders. My M-I-L was a Catholic turned Our Savior's Church member. When she was on her deathbed, guess who wanted to go way out of his way to see her...Father Gary Schexnyder. He lives two hours away and wanted to do this for my husband. Was "Pastor Jacob" there? Of course not. But he did show up in his designer suit to say a word about her for her "funeral home held" funeral. Why didn't he open up his church/auditorium for her service? Oh wait...she was a poor lady. That's why! "

Reality wrote on Nov 14, 2009 3:44 PM:

" You anti-Catholics don’t even read the Bible that you propose to believe. Jesus told Simon, “You are Peter (petros, rock) and upon this ROCK I will build my Church, and I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you bind on Earth will be bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on Earth will be loosed in Heaven.”
Read ACTS: After Jesus ascended, Peter and the Apostles organized the process of succession, beginning with replacing Judas. This process exists until today in the Catholic Church, from St. Peter to Pope Benedict XVI. "

Reality wrote on Nov 14, 2009 11:06 AM:

" You anti-Catholic don’t even read the Bible that you propose to believe. Jesus told Simon, “You are Peter (petros, rock) and upon this ROCK I will build my Church, and I will give you the keys of the Kingdom of Heaven. Whatever you bind on Earth will be bound in Heaven, and whatever you loose on Earth will be loosed in Heaven.”
Read ACTS: After Jesus ascended, Peter and the Apostles organized the process of succession, beginning with replacing Judas. This process exists until today in the Catholic Church, from St. Peter to Pope Benedict XVI. "

Who Says wrote on Nov 13, 2009 12:53 PM:

" The Bible does not say that Jesus started the catholic church. The catholic church says that Jesus started the catholic church. Isn't it ironic that the word "catholic" means "universal", but the catholic church is so exclusionary? "

to knows wrote on Nov 13, 2009 8:59 AM:

" Oh Please! Just where in the bible does it say that Jesus started the catholic church??? Jesus started His church which are the people. He DID NOT say you are the catholic church. "

Wondering wrote on Nov 13, 2009 7:27 AM:

" Gee, all I did was point out that some things might need to be corrected. You would swear that I had blaphemed. In case you missed it, this is not Jesus I was talking about. It was human beings who are not doing their jobs. You folks have elevated them to a position that they cannot possibly live up to. Why do you get so defensive when someone points out some shortcoming in the church? Don't you want the best for youself and your fellow catholics? "

Laughing wrote on Nov 13, 2009 7:22 AM:

" The Jewish Defamation League cannot and does not take action against those who speak the truth. No one is insulting your church. People are speaking out about the failures of the priests. If you don't care enough about your church to hold your priests accountable for their failures, then shame on you. That same attitude resulted in untold damage to many children, as well as to many Jews in Europe during WWII. Those who don't invite inquiry have something to hide. Thou dost protest too much. "

concerned so asking wrote on Nov 13, 2009 12:31 AM:

" So are Catholics saying that if you are a Catholic, there are two ways to have a funeral in a particular Catholic Church building with a priest presiding:
(1) You must be a member of that particular Catholic Church building by attending that church building and giving money on Sunday to that particular church building/priest, or......

(2) If you are not a current member of a particular Catholic Church building, then you can pay the Catholic priest a fee to allow you to have the funeral in his particular Catholic Church building with him presiding. "

To Knows Better others wrote on Nov 12, 2009 5:49 PM:

" If you are telling the truth, then come out of your closet (pun INTENDED) and identify yourself. If you were told these things by a funeral director, then name the person and the funeral home. Yea, things are different when you have to back up your lies!! "

This Is For Knows and To Knows wrote on Nov 12, 2009 5:45 PM:

" How can you defend the FACT that when the child molestation scandal reached critical mass and the Catholic Church had a meeting about this, they chose not to have a "one strike and you're out" policy for molesting children? How many children must a preist molest before the church does something about it? And please don't insult our intelligence by saying they did not chose to NOT have a one strike policy!!! "

To Knows wrote on Nov 12, 2009 3:27 PM:

" Thank you for your firm response. It is past time that we Catholic quit taking the insults and stand up for the truth, our faith and the Church which Jesus Christ established. The solution to these lies would be to file lawsuits for slander and defamation aganist anyone who perpertrate them. We need an effort like the Jewish Defamation League. Ever notice that the late night comedians and others dare not make jokes about or speak ill of Jews. And they are DEATHLY afraid of saying anthing against Muslims. "

Knows Better wrote on Nov 12, 2009 3:11 PM:

" To "Knows", you might want to check with your local funeral director and ask if these are lies. I am a Catholic. I don't hate Catholics. But I will not turn a blind eye when priests are wrong just because they are priests. You sound so upset because someone dares to speak the truth. If you would hold your priests accountable for their misdeeds, then maybe positive changes could occur. As long as you enable them to fail in their duties, they will continue to fail. "

Knows wrote on Nov 12, 2009 12:57 PM:

" Every one of theses posts are out-right and outragous LIES!!! You Anti-Catholics are haters and only hurting your immortal souls. Every Catholic Church has rules to maintalin consistancy, just as every other church, as well any organization.The use of the Church for weddings, funerals, Baptisms, is free to those who are a part of the Church Parish. No Catholic is ever denied from having a Chrisian burial. Just like the young woman who said she was refused a wedding in the Church because she was living in sin (shacked up) and admitted she never went to church. "

A Jumonville wrote on Nov 12, 2009 10:09 AM:

" I am very sorry that you had to go through this. I know of very many good and loving priest all around our area. I am sorry if you, or anyone found a priest that didnt act very caring, but dont bash the whole Catholic church, or lump all priest together. "

Questioning wrote on Nov 12, 2009 7:46 AM:

" My friends and family say I should not allow the lousy priests to drive me away from the church. I say to them that these priests are the very face of the church. If they cannot be held up as proper representatives of their own faith, how am I to hold the church in esteem? Yeah, I know they are only human, but they are held to a higher standard because of the vocation that they chose. If they cannot or will not live up to that standard, they should leave. "

Hearbroken wrote on Nov 11, 2009 8:55 AM:

" My family also was extremely disappointed in the Catholic Church. My Mother N Law passed away
after 40 years in the parish as their cleaning lady and counting the money every Monday.She also delivered communion to those who could not get out! She also ironed all the altar doillies and priest clothing. FREE may I say. When she passed the priest never showed up at the cemetary to bless her coffin nor her grave! We had the service alone!!!! I'm OUTRAGED at the church. It's in Az.St Augustines! "

American wrote on Nov 11, 2009 4:57 AM:

" First and foremost May your mother rest in peace. It happens in other churches also. I didn't know that u could be a member of a certain church. Sounds like a method of revenue! "

confused wrote on Nov 10, 2009 10:09 PM:

" Well I know of a funeral that was held in the Catholic Church and the person who died was not even Catholic. I am so fed up with the Catholic Church as well. Just because they were the first Christian church does not make them mightier and holier than other denominations. And, whereas other denominations welcome newcomers, the Catholic Church speaks ill of people who leave the church to join other congregations. Now, is that Christian? I would think not. "

Tom wrote on Nov 10, 2009 5:40 PM:

" Sorry you didn’t have enough money to get your mother in heaven. But, you must remember, if the priest lowered their price for you they would have to lower it for everybody.

I am really sorry for what you went through. I just don’t have a lot of faith in a business organization that claims their junior CEO’s can sent you to heaven. "

Ex Cathoilc wrote on Nov 10, 2009 5:39 PM:

" Sorry to hear of the horrible treatment your mother received. When I realized years ago that the policy on the molestation of children was "don't ask, don't tell because we don't care" I was through with the church entirely. I doubt any priest is a true fan of Uncle Teddy. My guess is they all wanted to be there because as funerals go, Teddy's was like the Superbowl. "

LifeTraveler wrote on Nov 10, 2009 3:54 PM:

" I too dropped away from the Catholic Church for the very same reasons. Thank goodness God did not abandon your mother!! "

surround yourself.. wrote on Nov 10, 2009 11:15 AM:

" Surround yourself with people who care. This is not the christian way of handling things. It is ashame that they will not do a funeral if you are not a member. Any person should be able to have a proper funeral and not have to be judged if you're not a member of a church. I bet if you offered money they may do it!
Sad to say~ "

Former FD wrote on Nov 10, 2009 10:33 AM:

" I was a funeral director and I can vouch for the fact that Catholic clergy in this area are very difficult when it comes to funerals. And I can vouch for the fact that they have different rules for different families (Sunday funeral masses in church, recorded music in church, etc.). The arrogance and corruption of these guys is amazing. Even more amazing is that so many people continue to tolerate and enable this behavior. "

Confused Catholic wrote on Nov 10, 2009 10:13 AM:

" I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved mother.
I never understood the worship that the Kennedy's seem to receive. They have morals and values that go against everything Christian/Catholic, yet they are treated like saints or American royalty. I don't get it. "

Area Resident wrote on Nov 10, 2009 9:24 AM:

" Remember, God does not abandon you! Don't let mere men make you leave your faith! My Father, who passed away in1971, was not passed through church. You could not ask for a better man, although he did not attend Mass. My mother always made sure every one of her children did. Years later, my grandmother and grandfather were both passed through church, even tho neither attended Mass. Just remember, God does not abandon you! "

kbs wrote on Nov 10, 2009 9:07 AM:

" I have to agree with you. What happened to the forgiveness and compassion. Priest these days are all about money not God. They should realize that it is the people who make the church. No People No Parish No Church. "

Big Brother wrote on Nov 10, 2009 8:41 AM:

" My little brother died a few years ago when he was eight. This same church would not do his funeral because my family did not attend regularly. He was baptised there and our parents were married there. We just had quit going for no good reason. Is that any reason to not do my little brother's funeral? This was their chance to maybe get us back into the church, but instead we are even more against going back. Another church did the funeral, but it left a bad taste with us. "

jo wrote on Nov 10, 2009 7:22 AM:

" first let me say i'm sorry about the loss of your mother. I, myself, have gotten away from the Catholic church for the very reason you have written about. When i needed the church, they were no where around and I, like you, was abandoned. "

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